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Prepared, Protected, and Ready to Move Forward:
Your Divorce To-Do List

Preparation saves you time, legal fees, and a lot of unnecessary stress. This list gives you a clear starting point, whether you are thinking about separation or already on your way.

The clients who arrive prepared move through the process faster and spend less doing it. This list is not exhaustive, it does not need to be completed in order, and not everything will apply to your situation. But working through it will give you a solid foundation and a real sense of control over what comes next.

Stop and read this first.
Do not sign any new agreements or make significant changes to your life, such as moving out, transferring large sums of money, or closing joint accounts, without first consulting a family lawyer in BC. Some actions, once taken, are very difficult to undo.

1. Get your finances in order

This is the most important place to start. Having no understanding of your financial situation, or no access to funds of your own, can leave you profoundly vulnerable. This is true regardless of how educated, capable, or financially aware you are in other areas of your life.

Client Story: Paige

Paige was in her mid-thirties, university educated, and worked at Canada Revenue Agency. She was no one's idea of someone who was financially naive. But she had no bank account of her own, no personal savings, and no credit in her own name. Everything was held jointly with her husband.

When her marriage ended unexpectedly, her husband cancelled her credit card and emptied the joint account the same day. The good news is that Paige was not left destitute because she had family who stepped in. But a separate bank account and her own credit card would have made things significantly easier during a very stressful time.

Whether your relationship is rock solid or starting to feel uncertain, your finances need to be your own responsibility. That is not pessimistic. It is smart.

Financial Foundation Checklist:

  • Open your own bank account and direct your pay there. If you maintain a joint account for household expenses, transfer funds across as needed. The point is that you need access to your own money.
  • Get your own credit card. Some clients hold a card their spouse does not know about, which allows them to access legal advice and other resources privately.
  • Check and protect your credit score. Late or missed payments during a stressful separation can damage it. If you are jointly responsible for a mortgage or loan, a missed payment by your spouse affects your score too.
  • Monitor all joint accounts and ensure bills, loans, and mortgage payments are made on time.
  • Once your final agreement is reached, close all joint accounts, lines of credit, and credit cards immediately. Do not leave them open with available credit.

Client Story: Brad

Brad and Stephanie reached a separation agreement on their own, used an online template, sold their house, paid off the mortgage, and cleared their joint credit card balance of $2,300. It seemed tidy.

What Brad did not do was cancel the card. It still had $35,000 in available credit. Stephanie remembered. She used it to pay her legal fees to litigate against Brad over a parenting dispute. Then she went bankrupt. Brad was the only remaining joint cardholder and was left to pay the entire $35,000 himself.

He effectively paid for the legal fees used to fight him. Close every account. Every single one.

2. Gather and organize your financial documents

If gathering financial documents sounds tedious, you are not alone. But knowing your numbers is one of the most empowering things you can do. If you cannot face it all at once, spend ten minutes a day on it. You will get there.

If you have any concern that your spouse may not be fully transparent about finances, photograph or copy statements whenever you have access to them. Go back as far as you can, ideally three years or more. One of our clients discovered her husband had hidden hundreds of thousands of dollars in undisclosed accounts. The documentation she had gathered beforehand changed the outcome entirely.

Financial Documents Checklist:

  • Bank account statements At least three years back for all accounts.
  • Investment account statements
  • Lines of credit statements
  • Pension documents
  • Retirement plan documents RRSP, RRIF, TFSA, pension statements.
  • Loan statements Car loans, personal loans, student loans.
  • Insurance documents Auto, life, disability.
  • Tax returns Three most recent years for both parties.
  • Business financial statements and tax returns If either party owns a business. Three most recent years plus a year-to-date profit and loss statement.
  • Most recent year-to-date pay stub
  • Property assessments and appraisals
  • Up-to-date mortgage statement
  • Cash on hand and any bullion Gold, silver, or other physical assets.
  • Loans made to or from family members
  • Airline points and loyalty program balances These are family property and often overlooked.
  • Prepare a summary List all assets, all outstanding debt balances, and a breakdown of monthly expenses: mortgage, car payments, daycare, and so on.

If you have any concern that your spouse may not be fully transparent about finances, photograph or copy statements whenever you have access to them. Go back as far as you can, ideally three years or more. One of our clients discovered her husband had hidden hundreds of thousands of dollars in undisclosed accounts. The documentation she had gathered beforehand changed the outcome entirely.

3. Gather your important legal and personal documents

Your lawyer needs complete and accurate information to advise you properly. Missing documents can genuinely change the outcome of your matter.

A client mentioned almost in passing that he had signed some kind of agreement years ago but had lost it. At mediation, the other side produced it. It was a binding marriage agreement, signed with independent legal advice on both sides.

It significantly changed what he was entitled to.

Do not let that be you. If you have any memory of signing an agreement, find it before your first legal appointment.

Legal and Personal Documents Checklist:

  • Real estate deeds and titles
  • Powers of attorney. Any currently in force for either party.
  • Wills. Both your will and your spouse's if you have access.
  • Marriage certificate or registration
  • Any prenuptial, marriage, or cohabitation agreements. Even if you think they may not be enforceable, bring them.
  • A list of personal items that matter to you. Sentimental items, family heirlooms, items you want to ensure are addressed in any agreement.

4. Protect your privacy

Your private communications during a separation can become evidence. What you say in texts and emails, what you post on social media, and what you discuss on shared devices can all find their way into legal proceedings. Protecting your privacy early is not paranoia. It is basic self-protection.

Privacy Checklist:

  • Change all your passwords immediately. Email, banking, social media, phone. If your spouse knows or can guess your passwords, your private communications are not private.
  • Make sure you have your own mobile phone on your own account. A shared plan means shared visibility of call logs and potentially messages.
  • Check that your email is not being forwarded. Some email clients allow silent forwarding rules. If your spouse has had access to your accounts, check your settings.
  • Review what is shared on shared devices. Shared tablets, computers, and family accounts can expose browsing history, location, and communications.
  • Be careful on social media. Do not post about the separation, your finances, your new life, or anything that could be used to characterize your conduct or lifestyle. Assume anything you post publicly can be seen.
  • Consult a lawyer privately. Use a personal device and a personal email account for all communication with your lawyer. Legal advice is protected by privilege only when kept confidential.

5. Prepare for your initial lawyer consultation

You do not have to retain a lawyer right away, but an initial consultation is one of the most valuable steps you can take. Come prepared and you will get significantly more out of the time.

What to bring to your first appointment:

  • A basic chronology of your relationship When you met, when you moved in together, when you married (if applicable), your date of separation, and any other key events.
  • Full names and dates of birth For you, your spouse, and your children.
  • Social Insurance Numbers (SIN) For you and your spouse if you have them.
  • A draft financial summary Your income and expenses, a rough list of assets, and a list of debts. It does not need to be perfect.
  • Copies of any agreements already signed Prenuptial, cohabitation, or any informal written agreements.
  • Your most important questions Write them down before you arrive so you do not forget them in the moment.

6. Know your dispute resolution options

One of the most important early decisions is how you want to try to resolve things. Most families never need to go to court, and most of those who do wish they had found a better path sooner. The options below run roughly from least to most adversarial. A family lawyer can help you identify which fits your situation.

Your resolution options, from least to most adversarial

  • Direct negotiation between the parties Works best when communication is possible and both parties can discuss issues calmly.
  • Negotiation between lawyers Your lawyer and their lawyer negotiate on your behalf. No direct contact required between you and your ex.
  • Four-way meetings Both parties and both lawyers in the same room, working through issues together. Efficient when the relationship allows it.
  • Mediation A trained neutral mediator helps you reach agreement. Confidential, flexible, and usually far less expensive than court.
  • Mediation-arbitration (med/arb) Starts as mediation. If agreement is not reached, the mediator becomes the arbitrator and makes a binding decision.
  • Collaborative family law Both parties and both lawyers commit to reaching a resolution without court. Structured meetings, sometimes with financial or child specialists.
  • Judicial settlement conference A judge helps guide both parties toward a negotiated settlement. Available once court proceedings have begun.
  • Court A judge decides. Reserved for situations where other processes have failed or safety concerns make them inappropriate.

7. Consider other professional support

A family lawyer handles the legal framework. But separation affects every part of your life, and there are other professionals who can make a real difference to how you come through this.

Other professionals worth considering

  • Psychologist or counsellor Someone to help you process the emotional dimensions of separation independently of the legal process.
  • Parenting coordinator Helps manage ongoing parenting disputes without returning to court every time a conflict arises.
  • Financial planner or divorce financial analyst Helps you understand the long-term financial implications of the settlement you are negotiating.
  • Life coach or divorce coach Supports the transition and the decision-making in the non-legal dimensions of moving forward.

8. Prepare for your first conversations

How you handle the first conversations, with your spouse and with your children, can shape the entire tone of what follows. Getting these right matters more than most people realize going in.

With your spouse

Being as non-combative as possible from the start is one of the most powerful things you can do for your own outcome. The tone you set in the first conversation tends to carry through the whole process. You do not have to be warm. You do not have to be friends. You do have to be careful with your words, because what you say now may be referenced later, and how you conduct yourself sets the template for every interaction that follows.

With your children

Children are more resilient than parents often fear, but they need specific things to feel safe during a separation. They need to know they are loved by both parents. They need to know they will still see both of you.

They need to know that the separation is not their fault. And they need space to have big feelings about all of it without being asked to manage their parents' feelings in return.

If you read one parenting book through this process, consider How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. The communication principles in it apply directly to children navigating a family change.

Preparation is not about expecting the worst. It is about making sure that whatever comes next, you are ready for it. The families who come through this process well are almost always the ones who started with a clear foundation.

Ask Journey – Divorce to do list FAQ
Journey
🐾 Ask Journey

Ask Journey

Divorce to do list

Real questions. Straight answers. No legal jargon required.

You start with what you can access right now. Log in to any account you have access to, any online banking portal, any investment platform, any pension site, and take screenshots or print statements. Go back as far as the system allows. If you have access to shared tax returns, copy them. If your spouse handles all the finances and you have been excluded from that picture, tell your lawyer immediately. Courts take financial disclosure seriously and there are legal tools to compel it. You are not powerless, but you need to act before access is removed.

Not all at once, and not immediately. The financial documents list is something to gather over time, ideally before your first consultation so your lawyer can give you the most accurate advice. In BC family law, both parties are required to make full financial disclosure as part of any separation process. The sooner you have your own picture of the finances, the better positioned you are to understand what you are negotiating from and to verify what the other side discloses. Prioritize what you can access easily first and work from there.

It may, and it may not. Marriage agreements in BC are enforceable if they were entered into properly, meaning both parties had independent legal advice, there was full financial disclosure, both parties understood what they were signing, and neither was pressured. If any of those conditions are missing, the agreement can be challenged. Do not assume it is binding and do not assume it is not. Bring it to your first legal appointment and let your lawyer review it. The answer matters significantly for what you are entitled to.

This situation is more common than people expect. The first step is to set up a completely separate communication channel that your spouse cannot access. A new email address on a personal device your spouse does not know about is the starting point. If you are concerned about monitoring software on your phone, a new device or a factory reset may be necessary. If you are in a situation where you are being monitored or surveilled by your spouse in ways that feel controlling or frightening, mention that to your lawyer. It is relevant to your legal situation and there are protective measures available.

No. Come with what you have and describe the rest. You do not need to have everything figured out before reaching out. A first consultation is simply a chance to talk through your situation, understand your legal position, and get clear on what to prioritize. Lawyers have helped people navigate separation at every stage of preparation, from fully organized to genuinely chaotic. The most important thing is to get the legal advice before you make decisions, not after.

Not necessarily. Refusal to negotiate directly does not eliminate other paths. Mediation specifically does not require the parties to negotiate with each other. The mediator manages the communication. Collaborative law structures the process so that good-faith engagement is a formal commitment. And even when a court application has been filed, most matters resolve at a settlement conference or in negotiation before trial. A lawyer can assess whether any of these paths is viable for your situation and advise you on how to proceed when one party is not engaging constructively.

Together if at all possible, with both parents present, delivering the same message. Children do better when they hear consistent information from both parents rather than two different versions. Keep the explanation simple and age-appropriate. Name the facts without assigning blame. Tell them what will stay the same, school, friends, activities, and that both of you love them and that will not change. Do not make promises you cannot keep about specific living arrangements until those are actually settled. If the conversation with your spouse to align on the message feels impossible, a family therapist can help you prepare for it.

This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law is fact-specific and the law changes. Reading this does not create a lawyer-client relationship with Pathway Legal. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified BC family law lawyer.