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When a Child Resists a Parent (It used to be called Parental Alienation)

Journey wearing smaller clear-frame glasses, smiling softly with a calm and approachable expression.

This is one of the hardest and most complex situations in BC family law. We have seen these cases run for years. We have seen what they cost families, in money and in heartbreak. And we have seen the outcome a family needed, when it needed to happen.

If your child is pulling away from you and you cannot make sense of it, the missed calls, the cancelled visits, the strange comments touch every part of your life. We are going to walk you through what BC courts actually look at and what the process actually takes.

In the “olden” days, like a few years ago, this kind of issue was called “parental alienation.”

The difference between a hard week and a real pattern

One difficult exchange, a rough transition, a child having a bad day. That is not what the courts are looking for. What BC family law is concerned with is a sustained pattern, one where a child's relationship with a parent has been genuinely damaged, and where the reasons for that damage need to be understood.

Sometimes that damage comes from one parent working, consciously or not, to turn a child against the other. Sometimes it comes from the resisted parent's own conduct: a history of conflict, harsh parenting, or something else such as a child not feeling respected by one of the parents or their new partners. BC courts take real care to tell these apart, and so do we. Treating every instance of a child pulling away as the other parent's doing, without asking why the resistance exists, does not serve your child and it does not serve you.

What BC law actually says

The Family Law Act does not use the term "parental alienation." What it does is centre every parenting decision on the best interests of the child, and one of those factors is a child's need for a healthy, meaningful relationship with both parents (assuming that relationship is safe)

When a child's relationship with a parent has been damaged without a legitimate reason, such as abuse or genuinely harmful parenting, courts take that seriously. Consequences can include changes to parenting time, changes to decision-making responsibility, and in the most severe cases, a change to where the child primarily lives.

Five steps if you believe this is happening in your family

Building a case (or simply understanding your situation) clearly takes time, consistency, and support. Here is what that process looks like.

Step one: Document the pattern; do not interrogate your child.

Do not question your child about what happens at the other parent's home. Do not ask leading questions or use your child as a source of information. That is in itself a harmful pattern, and it will damage your child. If your child volunteers something on their own, write it down. Do not go looking for it.

Step two: Get your child their own support.

Regardless of where the legal side goes, a child caught in this kind of situation benefits from their own support: a counsellor or child therapist who is there for them, not for either parent's case. This protects your child's wellbeing first, and it also may give the court, later, an independent source of information about how your child is doing.

Step three: Talk to a family lawyer early.

Before you take any formal step, get advice on whether what you are experiencing meets the threshold courts look for, and what your options are. Many of these situations move toward negotiation or a resolution by agreement before they ever reach a courtroom, and knowing your options early keeps more of those options open. 

Step four: Build the legal case with your lawyer.

Together, you and your lawyer will:

  • Assess whether what you are experiencing legally qualifies as a pattern the court will act on
  • Identify which evidence is strongest and how to present it
  • Avoid strategic mistakes that will harm your child 
  • Explore whether resolution is possible without a full trial 
  • File the right documents and applications at the right time

We have handled some of BC's hardest cases involving a child's resistance toward a parent. Our role is to give accurate advice at every stage, including the moments when the news is not what you were hoping to hear.

Step five: Bring in independent professionals.

  • Child psychologists or counsellors, who can assess the child's wellbeing, document the effect of what has been happening, and provide professional opinion evidence to the court
  • Parenting assessors, who conduct a full assessment of both parents and report on parenting capacity and the child's needs
  • Views of the Child report writers: a neutral professional who interviews the child and presents their views to the court in a structured, protected way
  • Reunification counselling:  to assist moving towards resolution of what is happening for your children. Often these counselors have absolutely nothing to do with the court process. They stay away from the courtroom and focus on the healing. 

These professionals do not advocate for either parent. They give the court an independent picture of what your child is actually experiencing and they can help. In complex cases, their evidence often carries the most weight in the room.

What judges might do in these cases

In most cases, when a concerning pattern is first identified, a judge gives the parent responsible a chance to correct course. That might mean counselling, a restructured parenting schedule, conduct orders, or clear direction from the court. The goal, always, is to preserve the child's relationship with both parents wherever that is safe and possible.

If the pattern continues after that opportunity, the consequences escalate. We have seen parenting time significantly reduced. We have seen where a child primarily lives change entirely. In the most severe cases, we have seen contact suspended altogether.

In one case that ran more than a decade, the parent responsible for the pattern never acknowledged their role, even as the evidence built around them. The final outcome was necessary to protect the child, and it was also entirely of that parent's own making despite the parent being unable to see that they were the problem. 

Mistakes that hurt these cases

Courts look at both parents. If your own conduct reflects poorly, it affects the outcome. These are the mistakes we see most often.

  • Questioning your child about the other household. It puts your child in an impossible position. It is unfair to them. 
  • Involving your child in adult conflict. Children should not be messengers, informants, or emotional support for a parent who is struggling.
  • Posting about the other parent or the proceedings on social media. Anything you post can become evidence. Children are often exposed to these posts. We once had a case where a 9-year old was extremely upset about his Dad’s Facebook posts about a new girlfriend. We thought, “Hmmmm, I wonder how the child knew about these posts!” (ie. Not many 9-year-olds are hanging out on Facebook). 
  • Withholding parenting time in retaliation. Two wrongs do not build a stronger case or make anything right. 
  • Exaggerating. Courts are skilled at assessing credibility. A presentation that reads like a grievance campaign, rather than genuine concern for a child, lands poorly.
  • Taking major steps without legal advice. These cases carry procedural requirements.

We can help you figure out where you stand

Whether you are noticing an early pattern or already deep into a difficult situation, a clear conversation with a lawyer who knows this area is the right starting point. 

Ask Journey
When a child resists a parent

Journey here. If your child is pulling away from you and you cannot make sense of it, this is confusing and painful territory. These are the questions we hear most often from parents trying to understand what is happening.

Is This a Pattern?
Could this just be a rough patch?
Sometimes, yes. A single bad visit or an off week rarely signals a deeper pattern. What matters is whether the resistance is sustained and whether it has a clear source. A lawyer can help you tell the difference before you build a strategy around the wrong one.
Building Your Case
What should I actually be writing down?
Dates, what happened, and your child’s own words if they volunteer something. Leave out your interpretation of what it means. A clear, factual record holds up. A record full of your own conclusions does not.
Do I have to go to court?
Not necessarily. Many of these situations resolve through negotiation, mediation, or a reconciliation counselor’s involvement, especially when caught early. Court is the last resort at Pathway Legal, not the first step.
Will my child have to testify?
Almost never, directly. Their voice usually reaches the court through a Views of the Child report or a professional assessment, built specifically to keep them from being put in the middle of a court proceeding.
If You've Already Slipped Up
I think I might have already made one of these mistakes. Now what?
Talk to a lawyer before you do anything else. Past missteps do not automatically sink a case, and understanding where you stand now can matter more than what already happened.

This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law is fact-specific and the law changes. Reading this does not create a lawyer-client relationship with Pathway Legal. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified BC family law lawyer.