Hungry for more?! Subscribe to Notes from The Pathway Legal Pack for tasty morsels of wisdom!

pathway legal team family lawyers bc
Request Consultation >
Call 778-557-5099

What Is Parallel Parenting in BC?

What it is, how it works, when courts order it, and what the rules look like in practice.

Parallel parenting is a co-parenting approach designed for situations where the conflict between parents is so significant that the usual model of cooperative co-parenting causes harm rather than serving the children.

It is not a first choice. It is the arrangement courts and families turn to when other approaches have genuinely failed.

This article explains what parallel parenting is, how it differs from co-parenting, when courts in BC order it, what the rules look like in practice, and what to do when the other parent continues to create conflict even within a parallel parenting framework.

Ask Journey

Q1: What is the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting?

Co-parenting means both parents communicate, cooperate, and make decisions together about their children's lives after separation. It is the approach the law in BC prefers, because research shows it produces better outcomes for children when it actually works. Parallel parenting is the alternative for situations where direct co-parenting is genuinely unworkable. Instead of cooperating and communicating, the parents operate independently during their own parenting time, with highly structured and limited contact between them. The children get stability and both parents remain in their lives. The parents interact as little as possible to achieve that.

What parallel parenting is and how it works

Journey wearing oversized clear-frame glasses, looking wide-eyed and earnestly curious against a cream background.

Parallel parenting reduces conflict by reducing the points of contact between parents. Instead of discussing and agreeing on decisions together, each parent makes day-to-day decisions independently during their own parenting time. Bedtimes, food choices, homework routines, screen time: those belong to whichever parent the child is with.

Major decisions, the ones that genuinely require both parents to agree, such as which school a child attends, significant medical treatment, or a change in the child's living situation, are handled through a structured process. Usually that means a written proposal through a parenting app, a set timeframe for response, and a referral to a parenting coordinator, mediator-arbitrator, or arbitrator if the parents cannot reach agreement.

Communication is typically limited to written channels only, usually a dedicated parenting app such as Our Family Wizard or We Parent, which keeps all communication documented, timestamped, and separate from personal channels. Phone calls, drop-in visits, and in-person conversations at transitions are generally excluded.

The goal of parallel parenting is not to eliminate the involvement of either parent. It is to provide stability for the children by removing the conflict that arises from direct parental interaction. The children retain meaningful relationships with both parents. The parents interact as little as possible.

Ask Journey

Q2: Can parents agree to a parallel parenting arrangement themselves, or does a court have to order it?

Both. Parents can agree to a parallel parenting arrangement and document it in a separation agreement, which is then enforceable as a consent order. Courts in BC can also order parallel parenting when the evidence shows that the level of conflict between the parents is making co-parenting genuinely harmful to the children. The structured nature of parallel parenting, with its detailed rules and dispute resolution mechanisms, lends itself well to being documented in a formal agreement or order. If you and the other parent are considering parallel parenting by agreement, having a lawyer draft the plan is important precisely because the details have to be airtight.

When courts in BC order parallel parenting

BC family law starts from the position that co-parenting is the goal. Courts prefer arrangements where parents can communicate and cooperate, because the research consistently shows that children do better when their parents can work together, even imperfectly.

But co-parenting is not workable in every family. When the conflict between parents is high enough that their interactions cause more harm to the children than benefit, a court will consider parallel parenting instead.

From our files:  Donald, Shelly, and the piano

Shelly loves the piano and believed their daughter Madeleine should take lessons. She enrolled Madeleine, bought an electric keyboard, and arranged for it to be kept at Donald's home so Madeleine could practise during his parenting time.

Donald refused to take Madeleine to her lessons. He refused to allow the keyboard in his home and returned it to Shelly. The sole reason: piano lessons were Shelly's idea.

This pattern repeated across virtually every aspect of Madeleine's life. Donald refused to support any activity, choice, or decision that originated with Shelly. Not because those things were bad for Madeleine, but because Shelly had suggested them.

The court found that co-parenting was unworkable and harmful to Madeleine. A parallel parenting arrangement was ordered. Donald retained meaningful parenting time with his daughter. The decisions about activities, schooling, and daily life were structured so that neither parent could use the children as a battleground for adult conflict.

The lesson: parallel parenting exists for situations exactly like this one. When one parent's opposition to the other is so entrenched that the children bear the cost of every disagreement, the law provides a structure that removes that cost.

Courts assess several factors when considering whether a parallel parenting arrangement is appropriate:

  • The history and pattern of conflict between the parents, including any court record of violations, contempt findings, or persistent refusal to cooperate
  • The impact of the conflict on the children, specifically whether it is causing harm to their emotional, psychological, or developmental wellbeing
  • Whether structured processes, such as a parenting coordinator, have already been tried and failed
  • The children's ages and their ability to manage transitions between parents
  • Whether the conflict is likely to continue without a structural change

Ask Journey

Q3: My ex refuses to cooperate on anything involving our children. Does that mean a court will order parallel parenting?

It means you have grounds to raise it. Whether a court orders parallel parenting depends on the evidence of the pattern of conflict and its impact on the children. A single incident of non-cooperation is not the same as a sustained pattern that causes harm. The stronger your documentation, specific incidents with dates, communications that show the pattern, records of the impact on your children, the stronger your position. A family lawyer can assess whether the facts in your situation support a parallel parenting application and help you build the case.

What a parallel parenting plan actually contains

A parallel parenting plan has to be more detailed than a standard parenting agreement. The whole point is that the parents cannot be expected to fill in gaps through reasonable discussion. Every significant aspect of the arrangement needs to be specified clearly enough that neither parent can misinterpret or exploit ambiguity.

The following are the provisions typically found in a parallel parenting plan or order:

Common parallel parenting plan provisions

1.  Communication method.  All communication between parents through a specific channel only, usually a dedicated co-parenting app such as Our Family Wizard or We Parent. No phone calls, verbal discussions, or text messages except in genuine emergencies.

2.  Communication frequency.  How often, and within what timeframe, each parent must respond to communications about the children.

3.  Parenting time schedule.  Specified to the hour. When each parent's time begins and ends, exactly.

4.  Holidays and special occasions.  Defined with specificity, including exact times. Alternating years are the most common structure. See the Christmas clause example below.

5.  Drop-off and pick-up protocol.  Who drops off where and at what time. Transitions typically happen at school or with a neutral third party, not between parents directly. What, if anything, may be said at transitions.

6.  No disparaging remarks.  Neither parent speaks negatively about the other in front of the children or within earshot.

7.  Sharing of information.   How medical, school, and activity information is shared between the parents, through what channel, and within what timeframe.

8.  Extracurricular activities.  How many activities children are enrolled in, how activities are chosen, and the obligation of each parent to support all activities during their own parenting time regardless of who chose the activity.

9.  Medical appointments.  Who takes the children to medical appointments. How medical information is shared with the other parent. Who has authority over routine medical decisions during parenting time.

10.  Emergency contacts.  Each parent provides current emergency contact information and keeps the other informed of any changes.

11.  Child support payments.  When payments are made, by what method, and whether the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program is used for collection and record-keeping.

12.  Travel.  What information a parent provides when travelling, including when the children travel. How far in advance notice is given. Whether travel outside BC or Canada requires the other parent's consent.

13.  Privacy.  Typically, neither parent attends the other's residence unless specifically invited in writing.

14.  Dispute resolution process.  What happens when the parents cannot agree on a decision. Does the matter go to a parenting coordinator? Mediation? Arbitration? The process must be specified clearly so neither party can stall.

15.  Plan review.  Scheduled reviews of the parallel parenting plan, often with a parenting coordinator, to address what is working and what needs adjustment as the children grow.

16.  Modification process.  How the plan can be amended and what agreement or process is required before any change takes effect.

The level of detail required in a parallel parenting plan is one of the strongest arguments for having a lawyer draft it. An agreement with gaps or ambiguities creates exactly the kind of conflict a parallel parenting plan is supposed to prevent. Every provision needs to be precise enough that a parenting coordinator or judge could apply it without interpretation.

Ask Journey

Q4: We need a Christmas schedule and cannot agree. What does a typical parallel parenting holiday clause look like?

Holiday clauses in parallel parenting plans are specified to the hour, not the day, specifically to eliminate the disputes that arise from vagueness. Here is an example of typical Christmas language:

Example: Christmas parenting time clause

The regular parenting time schedule will be amended for the Christmas holiday period as follows:

In odd-numbered years: the children will be with Parent A from December 24 at 12:00 pm until December 26 at 12:00 pm. They will be with Parent B from December 26 at 12:00 pm until December 28 at 12:00 pm, at which point the regular schedule resumes.

In even-numbered years: the children will be with Parent B from December 24 at 12:00 pm until December 26 at 12:00 pm. They will be with Parent A from December 26 at 12:00 pm until December 28 at 12:00 pm, at which point the regular schedule resumes.

Note on children's experience: high-conflict parents often agonize over December 25 as though it is the only day that matters. Children are often perfectly content celebrating Christmas on an additional day. The conflict parents generate over the calendar matters less to children than the conflict itself.

When the other parent refuses to follow the parallel parenting plan

Journey standing over a teal vintage suitcase, paws resting on top, ready for the road ahead.


Parallel parenting plans work when both parents adhere to them. The problem in genuinely high-conflict situations is that the same behaviour that made parallel parenting necessary in the first place sometimes continues even after a plan is in place.

From our files:  When the plan was not enough

In one matter, a father was so determined to undermine the mother's relationship with their child that a court order prohibiting him from discussing the mother in front of the child was not sufficient. He continued to involve the child in his campaign against her despite the order.

The court gave multiple warnings. When the behaviour continued, the court ultimately suspended the father's parenting time.

This outcome is rare. But it illustrates the serious consequences available when a parent systematically refuses to comply with a parallel parenting order. Courts have broad tools available: make-up parenting time, cost awards, variation of the order, contempt findings, and in extreme cases, a significant change in the parenting arrangement.

If the other parent is violating a parallel parenting order, your response depends on the severity and pattern:

  • Document every violation: date, what was supposed to happen, what actually happened, and any communications that followed.
  • For minor or occasional violations, address through the plan's dispute resolution process, typically a parenting coordinator.
  • For serious or sustained violations, a contempt application or a variation application may be appropriate.
  • For immediate safety concerns, emergency court intervention is available.

Ask Journey

Q5: My ex keeps violating our parallel parenting order. What can I do?

A parallel parenting order that is being violated is a legal matter, not just a personal one. Document the violations with specificity: dates, what the order required, what actually happened, any relevant communications. Then take that documentation to a lawyer. The appropriate response depends on the pattern. Isolated violations typically go to a parenting coordinator. A sustained pattern of deliberate non-compliance can support a contempt application or a variation application to change the arrangement. Courts take deliberate violation of parenting orders seriously, and the consequences can include financial penalties, make-up time, and in cases like the one above, loss of parenting time. You do not have to accept ongoing violations. You have legal tools.

Navigating a high-conflict parenting situation?

A consultation with one of our lawyers gives you a clear picture of whether parallel parenting is appropriate for your situation, what the process involves, and how to build a plan that protects your children. Backed by our money-back guarantee on the initial consultation fee.

pathwaylegal.ca/request-consultation.html   |   778-557-5099

Co-parenting vs parallel parenting at a glance

The table below summarizes the key differences between the two approaches.

   

Co-Parenting

Parallel Parenting

Communication between parents

Regular, direct communication expected. Phone, text, email, in-person discussions.

Strictly limited to written channels, usually a dedicated app. No verbal or in-person discussion.

Day-to-day decisions

Both parents involved or at least informed. Decisions often discussed.

Each parent decides independently during their own parenting time. No consultation required.

Major decisions

Reached by agreement between the parents.

Attempted by agreement. If no agreement, referred to a parenting coordinator, arbitrator, or court.

Pick-up and drop-off

Direct handoff between parents is normal.

Usually school-to-school or with a neutral third party. Parents do not typically interact at transitions.      

Extracurricular activities

Both parents generally support all activities.

Highly structured rules about who chooses, how many activities, and obligation to support during parenting time.

Best suited for

Parents who can communicate respectfully and prioritize the children's wellbeing above adult conflict.

Parents whose conflict is so significant that direct co-parenting causes harm to the children.

Co-parenting is always preferred when it is genuinely workable. Parallel parenting is not a downgrade. It is an acknowledgment that some families need a different structure to protect the children from adult conflict. When it is implemented well, it works.

Ask Journey

Q6: Can a parallel parenting arrangement eventually become a co-parenting arrangement?

Yes. Parallel parenting is not necessarily permanent. As children grow, as parents develop better ability to manage their conflict, or as circumstances change, a parallel parenting arrangement can be varied to a more cooperative model if the evidence supports it. This usually happens gradually, often with the guidance of a parenting coordinator who can assess whether the transition is working and adjust as needed. If you are in a parallel parenting arrangement and believe the situation has genuinely improved, a variation application supported by evidence and ideally a professional assessment is the right path. Courts are open to arrangements that evolve with the family's changing circumstances.

Parenting coordinators: the key tool in parallel parenting

A parenting coordinator is a trained professional, usually a mental health professional or a lawyer with family mediation and child development expertise, who is appointed to help high-conflict parents implement their parenting plan and resolve ongoing disputes without returning to court every time.

In a parallel parenting context, the parenting coordinator serves as the neutral decision-maker when parents cannot agree. They receive the parents' positions, assess what is in the children's best interests, and make a binding decision. Parents who would otherwise litigate every scheduling dispute have a faster, less expensive, and less damaging mechanism for resolution.

The BC Parenting Coordinator Roster lists qualified parenting coordinators who meet established professional standards. If you are establishing a parallel parenting arrangement, including a parenting coordinator clause in the plan, along with a process for appointing one if the parties cannot agree, is strongly recommended.

Ask Journey

Q7: We have a parallel parenting plan but we are back in conflict every few months over new disagreements. Is there a way to stop the cycle?

A parenting coordinator is the most effective tool for exactly this situation. Instead of accumulating disputes and returning to court, a parenting coordinator receives the matter, hears both parents, and makes a timely binding decision. The process is faster and far less expensive than litigation. Many parallel parenting plans build in a standing parenting coordinator appointment so there is no dispute about who handles future conflicts. If your current plan does not have one, it is worth applying to vary the order or agreement to include that provision. A lawyer can help you do that efficiently.

Parallel parenting is not the ideal. It is the workable alternative when the ideal is not available. For families where direct co-parenting causes ongoing harm to children, a well-structured parallel parenting plan provides stability, protects the children from conflict, and keeps both parents meaningfully present in their children's lives.

Getting the plan right from the start matters. The more specific and complete the plan is, the fewer opportunities there are for conflict to re-enter through gaps and ambiguities. We have helped families across BC build parallel parenting arrangements that actually work, and we are here to help you do the same.

We have offices in Victoria, Nanaimo, Vancouver, and Surrey, and we serve clients province-wide by video.

This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law is fact-specific and the law changes. Reading this does not create a lawyer-client relationship with Pathway Legal. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified BC family law lawyer.